Running Update

So this is a quick update.  Running has changed me.  I am running a half marathon in September, Ragnar Relay in November and who knows what else in between.  I have lost 10 plus pounds since the start of this blog.  Its amazing what infertility drugs do to your body.  I think part of my problem last cycle was the drugs.  I was a mess.  Running is clearing my head, slowly.  I still struggle  A LOT with my infertility but running helps.  I am thinking of ending this blog and putting all my efforts into a running/infertility/life in general blog.  This one is so depressing and every time I sit down to write I just want to whine and oh poor me and have a big pitty party.  The other blog would be more about running with the occational infertility talk because it is not what defines me, I cant let it be.  I so badly want someone to say "oh you poor thing, you've tried for so long and spent so much money, here is $30k, go get another round of treatments".  But I dont think that is going to happen.  Im sick of feeling sorry for myself, sick of doctors letting me down, sick of no one giving a shit, just sick of it all.  See, pitty party again.  Everyone elses infertility blogs are happy and hopeful.  Its hard to be hopeful when you have few options and you've been doing this for so damn long!

But speaking of options, I am getting acupuncture every week and get this, after one treatment my period went back to normal.  I am also taking Dang Gui which is an herb that is supposed to help the female parts.  It is hard to believe that natural treatments can help blocked tubes BUT it has helped people in the past, who knows.  I cant give up hope.

Does Mexico have my cure?

I started writing this about a month ago but have not had a chance to finish it and publish.  Finally got around to it.  If nothing else, it is a crazy story.

This is crazy, Today I went to Mexico. I've talked to a friend of mine for a whole two years about her homeopathic doctor. I finally decided that it was time to go see this guy. At first I was freaked out, my analytical mind was telling me I was crazy for crossing the border to see a doctor, but my heart reminded me that Western medicine promised miracles and raped my bank account so what can it hurt at this point.  It was going to cost $40 for a consult but he ended up giving it to me for free.

So at 8am, armed with my medical records and passport, I crossed the border.  Funny how easy it is to cross into Mexico but hard to cross back.  My friend was awesome, guiding me the whole way. She knew I was freaked out. We get in a cab and as I remember from my last trip to Mexico in college, they drive like crazy people so I clung to my seat. We get to the office and everyone greets us with such a warm welcome, of course I understand nothing!  My friend translates it all for me.  When I walked into his room I was blown away, little vials lined every wall. He talks to me about my infertility and I bust out crying, all out sobs!! I don't know these people and I break down, I was fine, why did I all of a sudden break down? 8 years of false hopes, 8 years of failures, 8 years of oh yeah, we can help you, after your check clears, that's why I broke down.  I feel so let down by my country and our health care system.  If I knew then what I know now about complimentary medicine, taking the best of western and eastern medicine and creating a treatment plan for the patient, not just putting them in a protocol.  But I digress...

So he does a few tests which is where the little viles come in.  Okay I will probably do a terrible job of explaining this but will give it a try.  Each vile has a tiny bit of the problem in it, like a bacteria or a virus or whatever.  He puts a magnet between you and the vile.  If the magnet moves, you have that ailment.  As I type this I think I am crazy.  But on some level it makes sense because everything has a magnetic force including us so I have enough education to get it but not enough to explain it.  Okay so I will just forget trying to explain it.  So after the vile tests he takes a deep breath and says blah, blah, blah, (something in Spanish) my friend translates exactly what he says.  I know why you cant get pregnant, you have a cancer at your cervix.  You have had it for 8 to 10 years.  It probably wont show up in a pap yet but it will in 1 to 2 years.  About 8 years ago, I had what I called almost-cancer.  I had a number of abnormal cells on my cervix that were the stage just before cancer.  They were immediately removed.  Apparently, they were not completely removed and this is why my perfect embryo's will not stick.  He didn't know the history so I tend to want to believe him. 
Dazed and confused by this news, I stumble out of his office with bright red eyes from constant crying and we make our way to the long line to get back into the states.  In line I see a man selling Rosaries.  I had to have one, I handed him a dollar and put it around my neck and felt a little calmer.  Its funny cause I texted my Mr Wonderful about it and he said, "Do you even know how to use one?"  Nope and I didn't care, it was a symbol of faith in a higher power and at that time I needed to cling to something good.  So now I decide what to do with this news.  But what a crazy trip, right?!