I wrote this back in Febrary and never came back to finish it. Reading it now, it highlights an important part in my journey and I need to share it.
I'm at a professional conference this week and it feels good. What I mean is I am getting back to being the "go getter" I was before infertility took a shot at my confidence. My inibility to have children comes up in my thoughts constantly though and it sucks! I was talking to another young woman at the conference yesterday and she was telling me about her career path and it was an exciting conversation talking about being young women in a predominantly male profession and how we not only survived but have excelled. Then she brought up her 3 kids. It threw me off my professional stature for a second. I cant talk to people about their kids, it breaks my heart... damit! Let my clarify that, my friends, especially my infertile friends, I have no problems with. It makes me feel good. I think its the people who have kids and have no idea that some women cant get pregnant.
There is one TV show that I have a serious addiction to, "How I Met Your Mother" and there is one episode that I think about a lot. If you know the show, you know which one it is. Its when Robin thinks she is pregnant but turns out to be infertile. She decides not to have kids and has a great career where she travels the world. I wish I could think that is my direction but Im not much of a traveler. I'd rather be at home with poopy diapers and making baby food. I think that is why I felt a stab at my heart when she brought up her 3 kids at the conference. I think that is why I dont read the blogs of women who have decided to live childless. I am not ready to think about that option.
