Pregnancy Test = Crack to a recovering infertile

Since I dont know what I want to do next, I have been focusing on my career and my dogs.  I feel there is nothing I can do right now so I am "Relaxed" on the baby subject.  You know how, "Just relax and it will happen" is one of those key phrases you dont say to an infertile?  Well keep that in mind for a minute.

Wednesday morning I felt nautious for about 30 minutes or so.  I thought nothing of it.  Thursday morning I felt nautious for a little bit.... hmmm.  But I know its nothing, not going down that freaking road.  Well its Saturday and my period has kinda started but not like normal and I am usually like clockwork.  Im just spotting.  So the mind games are on!  I have been off birth control since 2003 and not pregnant so why do I want to buy a pregnancy test like a recovering crack adict wants crack.

I'm crazy right?  I bet ya I wake up to full flow joe tomorrow :)

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum

I heard the quote above today and it seems so fitting. I was talking to a woman at work who never had kids. Turns out when she was told she would have to do IVF and even then might not be able to carry to term, she decided right then she was done. No shots, no let's go for it, just nope, not putting myself or my husband through that. She avoided all the crap I have gone through. Sometimes she feels the pull but shrugs it away. She knew it was going to be an ugly road and decided not to do it. Sometimes I wish I never started down the dark road.

Still don't know my next move but I have to consider that it might be time to vacuum.

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