Peace

I have been able to overcome my fear of the unknown and started researching anything and everything related to infertility.  When I started this journey, I tried to dive right into research like I do everything else but when I did, it threw me into serious depression.  So I stopped and trusted the doctors.  8 years and $40K later, I am taking control of my reproductive health and doing the research.

It feels like I have been searching madly for something but I didn't know what.  I read blog after blog and while I walk away from the computer feeling like I just had an hour of therapy.  Today I found something that I think brought me a little closer to peace.  Everything I read makes me want to cry but when you've cried this much, you learn how to cap it.  When watching the video below, I couldn't cap it.  Everything I have thought is right here.

  

So what am I searching for?  Hello, a miracle.  Actually, just peace.  I feel it deep in my heart that I am supposed to be a mom.  I have too much to give to keep it to myself.  Every time I try to convince myself that I should stop wasting time and money and just live child free I lose.  I really cant see it.  But at this point, all I really want is peace.  If I have a baby or not, I just want peace.